Genuine

It's been a while since I've written anything.  I have recently picked up my journal and sporadically filled out some pages with answers to some journal prompts I've discovered on Pinterest, but most of my writing, blogging, and posting in general has seemed to diminish in recent months.

To be honest, my mind needed a break.  I needed time to take stock of some adjustments in my attitude towards myself, and take much better care of my mental health.  'Mental Health' has been a buzzword recently in the online forums, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it does seem to make my own post about my mental health journey seem a bit bandwagon-y.  But doesn't the fact that it's such a popular topic lately also show how needed the conversation is, and how universal the struggles of anxiety disorders and depression really are?  Doesn't it also highlight how silly and ignorant the stigma still surrounding mental health really is?

Because I've been dealing with depression in the last few months, and haven't had the slightest idea of where to start asking for help.  I've prayed, asked for prayer from some friends, taken anti-anxiety medications, started eating better and exercising, cried, changed my birth control, prayed even more... while still dealing with a mental imbalance that affects my hormonal levels and steals the joy from my day to day.  And I don't say this for all you readers to feel guilty, and say "oh, Grace, we didn't know!" and wring your hands and feel awful about not spotting the signs.

Because most people are really good at hiding it, myself included.  I'm guilty of the same trap so many people seem to fall in, the trap of "not wanting to be the needy friend."  Alongside that, there's the carefully curated "living your best life" newsfeeds that gloss over the messy, boring, and mundane sides of daily life, in favor of pretty pictures and saccharine captions.  I'm at the head of the 'happy smiley' instagram secret club, by the way, with posts that look like this:

 "so glad me and my girl "Lucille" get to match in red today! #jeeplife #wingsfordayz"

OOTD - Silly Saturday Snapshots

These photos are going to look REALLY out of place with the cold snap we're going through here in the Ozarks.  But, I wanted to include a few extra pictures that I snapped of the other members in our little clan, along with another outfit from the archives.  Some pictures were taken willingly, some not so much, but they're all getting shared nonetheless!

OOTD - Blue, Times 2

Um, there's something in my picture.....

OOTD - This Kid

SOMEONE decided he needed to be a part of these outfit photos.  I'll leave it up to ya'll to decide who is the more photogenic of us two:

OOTD - Goodbye, Summer

It was actually somewhat CHILLY this morning, guys!!!  I'm beyond excited for the change in the seasons, and figured I would do a catch-up post on some of the outfits that were worn over these warmer months that are slowly coming to an end.  I'm going to miss all the bright colors and sun that summer always brings, but I'm am also just giddy for the chance to break out all my layers, soup recipes, and hot chocolate!  Vive la FALL!!!

Feature Friday - Movie Night Essentials

What are everyone's weekend plans? I personally tend to vary week to week... sometimes there's the burst of "let's clean EVERYTHING while I have the chance!" energy, some days it's a day to travel, and some days we just sit around and enjoy the 'nothing' day.  The only thing each of these weekends tend to have in common is movie night.  Pretty much every weekend, there's one night that consists of cuddles on the couch and the whole family sitting down to take in a movie together.

That's why I'm excited to bring you a little snippet of my movie night essentials for your weekend!  (or 'take it easy' weeknight for that matter!).

Life Lately

Greetings and salutations, old friends!  I bet you thought I'd forgotten about this little blog, but don't worry!  It just got put on the back burner for a while, as our family adjusted to some big changes.  Between working out school schedules, figuring out job stuff, and focusing on our little family group for a while, there hasn't been a lot of down time in the Holt house.  (...in our houseHolt...? ha!)

Pondered

Hello friends!  I promise I haven't forgotten about you.  I just wanted to share a link to a guest post I recently wrote for our local church family.

Enjoy! http://www.gracechurchnwa.org/single-post/2016/12/22/Pondered

OOTD - Transition

 The times, they are a-changin'...

Realizations for $200

“Things you say to your husband that you might also say to God.”

Answer: “What is ‘the extended name of this blog post?’”

Let me preface that title with a disclaimer: My husband is not God. Should be an obvious statement, sure, but I just wanted to get that out there! He and I are both flawed humans kept together by God’s grace, which is exactly the way I’d want things to be. Really, if we were a marriage of one flawed person and one perfect, it would be a very unhappy and short-lived one.

With that being said, I made a realization one recent weekend after the hubs and I enjoyed a post-date late-night drink while two of our three kiddos were at a sleepover. We were able to hold a conversation without the constant, beautiful interruption that is named KIDS. One of the things I treasure about Andrew is that he has a habit of professing his love to me (like, A LOT) when his inhibitions are lowered. I mean, really, who wouldn’t love that?

I realized, though, that what went through my head as he said all this didn’t match what I said in response.

For example:

He says: “I love you so much.”

I think, I am so undeserving of that, and it scares me to think of what losing that love would feel like. I love you too, but please don’t ever take that away.

But I say: “I love you too.”

You know that video/article that was shared on Facebook by, like, EVERYONE I KNOW a few weeks ago about the Japanese “Cube” personality test? If not, here’s your spoiler alert. I won’t share all of it, but in the first part of the test, you close your eyes and imagine yourself walking through a desert. You come across a cube. Now, how big is the cube, and what is it made out of? There are a few more questions after that, but that’s the beginning and the general gist. The size of your cube is the size of your ego, and the material represents how open you are with other people.

My cube is made of stone.

I would guess my husband’s biggest complaint about me is that I don’t share things. Unless I’m under extreme duress or I’m venting ALL THE EMOTIONS that have been bottled up for longer than I’d care to admit, I don’t share. At least, not verbally. He has gotten some carefully-worded letters in the past, but deep heart-to-hearts? Not an area that’s comfortable for me. And, even though God is the one who knows my every thought, I try to do the same things to Him.

He says: “I love you so much.”

I think, I am so undeserving of that, and it scares me to think of what losing that love would feel like. I love you too, but please don’t ever take that away.

But I say: “I love you too.”

He says: “You’re doing a great job as a wife and mother.”

I think, You’re kidding, right? Don’t you see the dirty dishes in the sink? If only I had the time and energy to do more, to serve you better. Then I would deserve that compliment.

But I say: “Thank you.”

He says: “My love is forever.”

I think, I know you think that now, but I’m waiting for the day that I screw up too badly, or do something to hurt you. Then you’d have no choice but to turn away from me. I hope that never happens.

But I say: “I’m so glad you love me.”

I almost didn’t make it to church the following Sunday. I was hungover, we stayed up too late, and if I didn’t have to pick up kiddos I probably would have stayed in bed. Sometimes, I think it’s okay to spend Sunday at home as a day of rest, but this was not that day. Every song from that morning’s worship set held the response to my hesitance to accept God’s love. I can mentally affirm that I am loved, and yet still wrestle with actually accepting it. So instead, God had me sing it.

I think, Please be patient with me, and I sing: “You’re rich in love, and you’re slow to anger.” (“10,000 Reasons”)

I think, Eventually I’ll screw up, and I sing: “Take me as you find me, all my fears and failures.” (“Mighty to Save”)

I think, There’s no way I could ever deserve this love, and I sing: “I’ve tasted and seen the sweetest of loves, where my heart becomes free and my shame is undone.” (“Holy Spirit”)

I think, This love is so strong that it scares me, and I sing: “All fear removed, I breathe you in, I lean into your love.” (“Sinking Deep”)

I think, What if I lose myself in serving you? and I sing: “Your love is better than life.” (“Kindness”)

And I think, All I have to give in return is myself, and I sing: “What can I say, and what can I do, but offer this heart … completely to you. … I’ll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned. … All I am is yours.” (“The Stand”)

I can only hope that God continues to chip away at my stone cube, and that there’s a smaller, softer one to be found inside. And I’m so thankful he loves me regardless.

This post was originally posted on Grace Church NWA's blog.  There are so many great posts to read, I'd highly suggest checking them all out!

Fair Trade Friday - Hope Outfitters

Okay, it's time for a personal question: what legacy are you hoping to leave?

That vitally important question can shape the whole trajectory of your life.  That question is what prompted Ryan Welch, co-founder of Hope Outfitters, to step down from an entrepreneur group he was a part of, and start a company that gives back 100% of its' profits to the Kingdom of Christ.  He and his family left a life where the goal was to "build businesses and get rich," and instead decided to follow this most important truth: "The only thing that truly matters in this life is whether or not we love Christ and love others!" (from their "About Us" page.)  Every four months, the volunteer team that runs Hope Outfitters launches a new campaign for an aspect of social justice, and the current one is a cause that is close to my heart: supporting women that have been set free from a life of trafficking in Cambodia.

Thankfully, I married a man that shares the same heart, so when I sent him a link to Hope Outfitters explaining their 'Forever Free' campaign, he did some shopping.  And, I even convinced him to 'model' his purchases for today's post, along with a couple other tiny members of the family.

"Set Free" tee

Kidlet Style - Life Lately

OOTD - Tiny Photog

So, guess what happens when you ask your 5-year old to help take your pictures?

This.

And this.

But also, these little gems:

Kid's got potential. :)

Outfit Details:
Top: JC Penney, $5 (clearance, old)
Skirt: thrifted, $4
Necklace: DIY, $3 for materials
Ring: Payless, $1 (clearance, old)
Shoes: thrifted, $4
Grand Total: $17

OOTD - Goodbye, Green House!

Well, we're finally moved into our new place, and unpacked almost all the boxes... Oh, who am I kidding, there's boxes everywhere!  I haven't yet found a good place where I'm comfortable taking outfit pictures, so in the meantime, here's some pictures from our old house I never got around to posting.

Numero Uno:

Details: 
Shirt: via ThredUP, free with referral credit
Olive Tank: Target, $3 (clearance)
Sweater: thrifted, $4
Jeans: Wal-Mart, DIY spots, $9 (old)
Short Necklace: via Plato's Closet resale, $1
Long Necklace: upcycled materials, gift from a friend
Shoes: Converse, thrifted, $5
Grand Total: $22

Numero Dos:

Wait, where'd this kid come from?

She just won't leave!!

Ok, Ok, just one selfie!

Details: 
Denim Top: free via clothing swap
Black Top: thrifted, $3
Skirt: DIY from thrifted fabric
Tights: Wal-Mart, $5 (old)
Boots: thrifted: $9
Ring: Charlotte Russe, $2 (old)
Grand Total: $19

Numero Tres:

So, I had this thrifted dress that I never wore, so I took the outer layer, and turned it into..... 

A kimono!!

These little beauties were my birthday present to myself!

Details:

Kimono: DIY'ed from thrifted dress, $5

Shirt: JC Penney, $5

Jeans: thrifted, DIY'ed to skinnies, $5

Boots: eBay, $13

Earrings: eBay, $1

Necklace: Falling Whistles, $34

Grand Total: $63

And finally, some lovely flowers from the yard:

See? Lovely!

Here's hopin' I can start posting a bit more in the coming weeks!  Until next time....

Life Lately

OMG, it's been like for-e-ver since I last posted!  I promise we haven't fallen off the face of the earth, life's just been kinda busy lately!  I figured I'd give ya'll a little recap of everything going on in our life so far.

Baby A:

Little man is growing like a weed.  He's also developed quite the personality, as evidenced here:

I'm loving having another baby in the house!  It's been so fun seeing this little guy develop and grow. I can already tell what a friendly and active little guy he's going to be!  As soon as he's awake (and not hungry or constipated... hey, it happens), he's nothing but smiles and wiggles.  I must've done something good in life to deserve a kid as cute as him! ;)  And speaking of cute:

Little A

This girl.  She just cracks me up!  She's in the typical two-year old stage of 'I do it myself' (with EVERYTHING, aaarrrrghhhh!), she has decided to be a tiny vegetarian for the moment, and she basically copies everything big sister does as she flounces around the house in a tutu.  She's just the best.

Big A

I just went last week to drop off paperwork and register this girl for KINDERGARTEN! *sniff sniff*  I'm already hoarding the kleenex that I know I'm going to need this fall when she actually starts going to school.  It's going to be harder for me than her, I'm sure.  She's already so outgoing that being in a classroom with a bunch of other potential friends is going to be heaven for her!  I'm having a hard time believing that the kid that first made me a mother is going to be five, since it feels like I had her like 6 months ago.  That's just one of those mama conundrums though; I feel like I just got her, and that I've had her forever.  *sniff* Now, where are those kleenex?

Changes

Kindergarten isn't the only change on the horizon.  We're about to move into a new place in the next month or so!  The rent on our current home is about to raise a bit above our budget, so we're looking at moving into a more cost-effective home.  So, if you notice that my photo background changes next month, that's why!  In the meantime, I'm going through a major purge so we don't have to move as much stuff, and my 365 days of stuff challenge may be moved up a bit!  Speaking of which, I promised ya'll updates, so here's what I've gotten rid of so far this year:

2 packs of too small diapers, an unused baby blanket, and two boxes of too-small clothes

I reorganized my beauty products on a snow day, threw out the expired and unused ones, and repurposed the old caddy for cleaning supplies

This was the big one!  I cleaned out my closet, which translated into 4 boxes of clothes and one box of shoes and purses.  

And, from my first trip to donate, there's cups, books, puzzles, and a basket that all made their way out of our house!

THM

The final big change that I'm embarking on is a personal one, regarding taking charge of my health and eating habits.  I'm starting a new way of eating called Trim Healthy Mama.

Link to buy via Amazon

I can honestly say, this is the first time I've actually been excited about starting a 'diet.'  Part of the reason is this isn't really a diet, but just a new way of picking healthy foods.  I've realized recently that I've been making some poor choices when it comes to my eating, and it shows.  And I'm not talking about my weight, either.  My mood swings, fatigue, and general lack of excitement have been a big factor lately, and are not helped in the least by my steady diet of convenience foods and general "I'm allergic to excercise" mindset. with the occasional salad thrown in when I feel guilty about the massive amounts of Oreos I've consumed.  If I stick to this plan, which is really well explained in this blog post, and don't end up losing any weight, I'll still consider it a success, simply because I'll be weaning myself off of a diet of refined sugar and reliance on pre-package food with the help of a Biblically sound eating plan.  Plus, I still get to enjoy awesome desserts like this Lemon Butter Cake with Lemon Ginger Cream Cheese frosting.  And who wouldn't want that?

All in all. we're in a season of change here in the Holt house, and it's gonna be great.  Although, I'm not convinced anything could be as great as this little clip of cuteness:

I should get back into a more regular posting schedule once the moving craziness is over and done with!  If you'd like to know what's going on in our house in the meantime, your best bet is probably my Instagram (where all the pics from this post were found, btw.)  Until next time!

OOTD - Wild Thing

I love me some animal print.  I think my love affair started in junior high, when I became the proud owner of a zebra print sleeveless shirtdress that I basically wore into the ground.  So, when I stumbled on this leopard print teal sweater at Goodwill a while back, I knew it had to be mine.  It's a perfect piece to add a little bit of crazy into a basic 'running some errands and a quick doctor's appointment' sort of outfit.  Plus, the necklace I found just before Christmas happens to match perfectly!  I guess that's what happens when you gravitate towards Lisa Frank colored clothes... I haven't grown out of all my junior high obsessions, apparently. ;)

Outfit Details:
Sweater: thrifted, $4
Jeans: thrifted, $2
Boots: Target, $38
Necklace: JC Penney, $2, clearance and with coupon
Bracelet: JC Penney, $1, clearance and with coupon
Grand Total: $47

Oh, and if you thought my sweater was crazy, wait until I introduce you to our resident pantsless wonder...... just listen for the required two-year-old 'nooooooo' at the end!  Never a dull moment in this house!