Genuine

It's been a while since I've written anything.  I have recently picked up my journal and sporadically filled out some pages with answers to some journal prompts I've discovered on Pinterest, but most of my writing, blogging, and posting in general has seemed to diminish in recent months.

To be honest, my mind needed a break.  I needed time to take stock of some adjustments in my attitude towards myself, and take much better care of my mental health.  'Mental Health' has been a buzzword recently in the online forums, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it does seem to make my own post about my mental health journey seem a bit bandwagon-y.  But doesn't the fact that it's such a popular topic lately also show how needed the conversation is, and how universal the struggles of anxiety disorders and depression really are?  Doesn't it also highlight how silly and ignorant the stigma still surrounding mental health really is?

Because I've been dealing with depression in the last few months, and haven't had the slightest idea of where to start asking for help.  I've prayed, asked for prayer from some friends, taken anti-anxiety medications, started eating better and exercising, cried, changed my birth control, prayed even more... while still dealing with a mental imbalance that affects my hormonal levels and steals the joy from my day to day.  And I don't say this for all you readers to feel guilty, and say "oh, Grace, we didn't know!" and wring your hands and feel awful about not spotting the signs.

Because most people are really good at hiding it, myself included.  I'm guilty of the same trap so many people seem to fall in, the trap of "not wanting to be the needy friend."  Alongside that, there's the carefully curated "living your best life" newsfeeds that gloss over the messy, boring, and mundane sides of daily life, in favor of pretty pictures and saccharine captions.  I'm at the head of the 'happy smiley' instagram secret club, by the way, with posts that look like this:

 "so glad me and my girl "Lucille" get to match in red today! #jeeplife #wingsfordayz"